


Just not now

by la_esperance



Series: Hitsuzen [1]
Category: xxxHoLic
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-27
Updated: 2012-10-27
Packaged: 2017-11-17 03:33:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/547183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/la_esperance/pseuds/la_esperance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This was so hard to write and truthfully, I was nearly driven to tears. LOL. It is set early the morning after the child was helped in Chapter 206. Watanuki’s lines are from the song <i> Just Not Now</i> from the musical <i>I love you because</i>. Lyrics are by Ryan Cunningham with slight changes for a nice fit. This is not betaed (sp?). Thanks for reading and enjoy! ^_^</p>
    </blockquote>





	Just not now

**Author's Note:**

> This was so hard to write and truthfully, I was nearly driven to tears. LOL. It is set early the morning after the child was helped in Chapter 206. Watanuki’s lines are from the song _Just Not Now_ from the musical _I love you because_. Lyrics are by Ryan Cunningham with slight changes for a nice fit. This is not betaed (sp?). Thanks for reading and enjoy! ^_^

It was barely dawn when Watanuki woke up. There was a slight dullness in the right side of his head, like he had been hit there with a blunt instrument. Other parts of his body ached too. He closed his eyes and tried to remember what happened the night before.

That was right. He had been hit. He had been in the business of granting a wish when—apparently—he had forgotten himself. He remembered receiving a lot of injuries before keeling over, hitting his head against one of the veranda posts. He remembered…

Watanuki swallowed a lump. He remembered someone call out his name in a stifled but clearly alarmed manner. He remembered that someone—and it could only be one person—had caught him before he fell off the veranda completely.

Doumeki…

And it wasn’t a surprise to find the same person sitting on the floor, sleeping with his back against the side of the bed. Had he kept vigil all the time Watanuki was knocked out? Watanuki wanted to smack him for it but something stayed his hand.

A small smile curled his lips. It had been something that had brewed in the back of his head ever since he learned what Doumeki had done for him during _that_ incident with the window and all. A lot of things came to have new meaning then.

Yuuko telling him during their first meeting how Doumeki, judging by his name, was a reliable person. Doumeki always being there with or without Yuuko telling him. Oba-san telling him that he was going to get closer to a friend. Well, if sharing blood was not a way of getting closer to somebody, Watanuki didn’t know what was.

And yet…

Perhaps there was another way and he had just not seen it? Or he had but he refused to acknowledge it?

Watanuki turned to stare at the top of Doumeki’s head. In the deepest recesses of himself, the parts he would never admit out loud, Watanuki knew that Doumeki no longer saw him as just a friend. Giving his blood had underscored that, like it was an admission of Doumeki’s feelings. And Watanuki, for all his past energetic declarations of love for Himawari-chan, knew that Doumeki was now no longer simply Doumeki the idiot to him.

“I need some time to heal.” He suddenly whispered to the back of Doumeki’s head.

Could it be called healing? Yuuko’s departure tore a hole in his heart and life. The woman he had looked to for guidance was gone forever and he wasn’t about to burden anyone with his sorrow. He realized now that had things been different, had Yuuko still been there, it would have been easier for both of them to admit the feelings between them. But perhaps it wasn’t really healing…

“I’m lost and I don’t know what true love’s all about…” He continued, cautiously reaching out until the barest tips of his fingers brushed against Doumeki’s hair. “And though I know it sounds unfair… If you would wait for me, I swear I’ll meet you halfway there. Please give me time to learn…”

And he did have a lot to learn. Ten years was not nearly enough time to learn how to be the master of the shop, the master of his powers. Yet sometimes, Watanuki feared what he would learn, especially about himself. For ten years, his relationship with Doumeki had changed ever so slightly. But what if he were to become someone that couldn’t have Doumeki? Something that Doumeki would fear or even hate? 

Doumeki stirred and for a moment Watanuki was fearful that he was already awake and had heard what would be his stumbling confession. When Doumeki’s breathing became deep and even, Watanuki became a little bolder and started to gently curl strands of Doumeki’s hair in his fingers.

After long moments of just toying with Doumeki’s hair, Watanuki softly chuckled. “You know, I know you do…how I want so much to say ‘Okay, I love you too.’”

Images of how the confession would…could go interrupted his thinking. Watanuki closed his eyes and forced them from his mind. “I will, but not today…And though it’s hard, you must control your heart and trust me...”

Then he did something he had never dreamed of doing before. He got up on his elbow and leaned forward until his lips barely brushed Doumeki’s temple. Watanuki was sure that he was asleep but, as if by instinct, knowing that it could only be Watanuki, Doumeki tilted his head until Watanuki’s lips were touching his temple.

Watanuki smiled and murmured against Doumeki’s hair. “I want to be with you…Just not now…”


End file.
